I've been wearing Sarah's wedding band on my necklace since she died and it has been comforting to have something so significant be close to my heart and with me all the time. Now I've decided to move my own wedding band to be together with hers. It was a difficult thing to do after having this ring on my finger for so long, but at the same time I felt on some level that keeping it there now was like wishing that things could be as they were rather than accepting the present and being 100% there for Ben & Sam and others in my life today. As hard as it is sometimes, what now feels the most comforting and right is to steer away from that ungrantable wish but still hold my love and memory of Sarah in mind and heart. Memories of us together, just like the rings are now.
The other picture above is of our pink tulips just poking their way through the soil. What a special gift from our friends it was to plant these in our garden. Sarah and I enjoyed seeing them come up last year, and at the time I knew they might mean something different to me one day - and now they do. They remind me of many shared challenges but also shared joys - they remind me of her, and of us together. It feels good to remember, even though it hurts too. I'd much rather have both than neither...
The third pic is of Ben, Sam and me at the zoo today. Through vacations and outings like this, the three of us are learning to have fun together as a family again. Although Sarah is always on my mind, there are plenty of lighter moments and laughter with the boys now. Ben and Sam are doing well. We talk openly about mommy not being with us whenever it strikes the boys and I think that has helped them stay on a healthy emotional path.
We had a great visit to New Orleans. The first pic is of us trying to fly kites with the Settoons off of the levee at Lake Ponchartrain. In the next one, Ben has discovered his Easter basket! Much candy was eaten... We also had some delicious boiled crawfish and in the pic you can see Thomas sucking the head for flavor. This was a special treat - Thomas got them from the same place that catered our wedding rehearsal dinner so many years ago (and I still remember how good those tasted back then). We got this picture of an alligator on a swap tour that we did with Elizabeth. Very interesting seeing a swamp in its natural state with animals, too. We saw several alligators, plus snakes and herons. And finally, we got to visit Sarah's graves which was a special time for us as well. Here's a pic of her marker at Ponchatoula. It was especially nice for me to be able to stand for a bit at these two sites. The stone marker looked good. Simple yet elegant in a classic style - just like Sarah would have wanted. It was definitely emotional for me to visit the sites, but it also felt good - like I had a strong connection to her there in the "places."
