We went skiing on Sunday with Eric and Anna W. and everyone had a great time. We got to take advantage of the blizzard snow before it started melting - now most of it is already gone in Chicago! Took Sam a few runs to get the hang of skiing again but by the end of the day both boys were shooting down the mountain.Valentine's Day went better than I thought. Weeks ago, I had decided it wasn't really a day for me anymore and that I wouldn't do anything for it - just make sure the kids had stuff for school. But then it just seemed like that was running away from it all and it didn't feel right. So I made a big card for Sarah/Mommy that the kids also drew stuff on and we hung it up in the living room. The sentiment was "we miss you and we love you" - the simple, unavoidable truth that I start and end each day with, especially V-day. I realized something the other day - that I was subconsciously feeling something that suddenly came in to focus. It was the feeling of waiting. Waiting for something to change, enduring something that you knew was for a finite time and relief would eventually come. I know that this isn't temporary, that I/we can't be with Sarah any more in this lifetime, but I guess deep down it takes longer to accept that. Some day I guess that sense of waiting/enduring will ease & it's probably a good sign that I can recognize it at all - but that doesn't make it any less right now. It's all too raw, too fresh right now. She's everywhere and nowhere...
3 comments:
Love the ski photos, what fun! Praying for you all and sending caring thoughts as you endure her loss. I am sure the Valentine you and the boys made for her is lovely.
The love you had was really special and always will be.....its all pretty new, it will get easier, and your life will be richer for what you had. Your ski outing looked fun, can't wait to go myself.
your words describe the pain, I hope that each day brings more peace. - ami/ nov00
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