21 Dec and Christmas

November was filled with travel - I went to Denver and then to Stockholm for business and in between those trips the three of us flew to Houston for Rice University homecoming.  Then we went up to Wisconsin with Elizabeth for Thanksgiving to celebrate with her family up there. I also did a quick one-day trip to Ft. Lauderdale for work in December.  The period leading up to Christmas passed very quickly as well... and then there it was: the 21st of December, the day Sarah died last year.  I already knew that Christmas would mean something very different for me this year than it had in years past - and that it probably would for many years to come.  Wasn't sure what to expect, but I had decided to embrace whatever emotions came and let them in.  In the end, it wasn't quite as "different" feeling as I thought it might be - I think because I've replayed and relived those last weeks and last days with Sarah last December over and over in my mind so many times in the course of this year.  Each tear that I've shed brought just a tiny bit more acceptance and peace, and thankfully the ability to let myself hold on to memories without being drawn down into dark grief by them.  That said, I've been thinking more in the past weeks about Sarah and what we were going through together last December.  The boys and I have also talked more frequently about mom not being with us this year and how it feels to them.  Thankfully, they are handling it well and have the capacity to accept life as it is for now, just taking it one step at a time.  The boys and I have had quite a year of new travel and adventures - I think we've learned to embrace life and move forward again, but without having to disconnect from the past to do it.
So, we celebrated Christmas today with my parents up from San Antonio.  The boys were very excited to open their gifts this morning and I managed to cook a pretty good turkey (actually a Cajun Tur-duck-en) and our old family favorite recipe of green bean artichoke casserole. Way too much food (always happens, doesn't it?), but goo-ood!  We're looking forward to spending new year's eve with family as well.

Halloween

Another busy month comes to a close... we finished it off with the Fall camp-out this weekend and we all had a great time.  Ben is getting so tall!  You can also see Sam's Halloween costume as well - gross!  He went for max "scary" this year and I think he chose his costume well.  We are all doing well and these past few months seem to have really flown by.  In addition to the many free time / fun activities, work has kept me pretty busy.  There's quite a bit of activity despite that this is usually more of a lull period for my marketing stuff.  For anyone following our blog, I've been posting more frequently to facebook these days since it is more interactive - please friend me if you'd like to see more pics and weekly updates.  Seems so easy to grab a quick pic with my phone and post it to fb!  I will keep posting periodic updates to the blog as well, though.  We have some family travel and I have some biz travel as well in November so this month will be another full one...
Despite our continuously busy lives, I often think of Sarah.  It's not as raw as it was earlier in the year, but so many little things all around me remind me of her.  I know she will always be a part of me, even as I step forward in life - and I'm thankful for that, and for her.  Sometimes I can almost see her watching over us, proud of her boys and content that we're doing ok, even though she can't be here with us in the same way she was.  Our life together, despite how it all turned out, strengthens my belief that love never dies.  It was all worth it, every minute of it - both the laughter and tears...

Update

I've fallen pretty far behind on updates to this blog since I've been using facebook more... We've been up to quite a bit in September and October so far! The boys and I have been doing things together locally like going to the zoo, swimming and going on bike rides. I've also practiced my kiteboarding some more which has been a blast so far. Ben advanced in karate to a yellow belt which he was excited about! We also just went to the beach at Corpus Christi this past weekend and enjoyed a weekend with my parents & lots of playing in the water.

Work has been busy but going well for me. Lots of events going on & I even got to go to Washington to run a product demo for the FCC chairman and commissioners.

Overall the boys and I are doing well. Keeping busy, as always, but still taking opportunities to spend time together wherever we are.

August Flying By

Not sure how this happened, but August turned out to be a very busy month... Started with the 3-day walk in Chicago which I completed with Nicole, Sarah's lifelong friend. 60 miles was definitely hard to do, but we finished and it was a great experience which felt good to complete in Sarah's honor too. We raised over $10,000 so thank you to all who have contributed throughout this year! Right after finishing the race, I had to go on a business trip to Philadelphia for a tradeshow. The week after returning, I ended up going to Texas with the boys for a week. They stayed with Oma and Grandpa in San Antonio while I learned to kite-board with my friend Chris in Corpus Christi. It was great and I know I'll love this new sport as I get better and better - you get going pretty fast in the water and you can jump in the air quite a bit, too (when you are good enough). And this weekend I ended up going skydiving again since Lovisa and her friend wanted to go - couldn't pass up jumping again; it's such a great feeling!
Overall, the boys and I are doing well. They started school last week and seem engaged in their activities and enjoying the tail end of summer. This year has been an emotional journey - and I'm not sure the journey ever really ends. But I think all three of us are in a fairly good place right now. Having said that, I expect ups and downs and am not looking forward to Christmas time... but we'll see. One step at a time.

30 July - Skydiving

I went skydiving last weekend while my college friend Jeff was in town for a skydiving summer fest. It was great! My second time doing it and what a rush. We jumped at 13,5000 ft and even though I was strapped to an instructor, he had me pull the chute at 5,500 ft and then steer the chute for the rest of our ride down. Ben and Sam got to watch me do it and we also watched many other jumpers coming down while we were there.
Ben, Sam and I are doing well. The summer is flying by (no pun intended - I promise) and we've got plans leading all the way up to the starting of school. Right now, my parents are visiting and I'm doing the 3-day walk for the cure (60 mile walk) starting Friday. I've been training, so I should be ready - but we'll see soon enough... This walk is something that has been on my mind all year since I started collecting donations for it in January. I'm excited that the time has finally come to do it. I know it will be an emotional journey as well as a physical one, but I'm ready for both. Remembering and cherishing Sarah is be important to me. If anyone would like to donate to the walk that hasn't yet done it, the link is www.the3day.org/goto/sixtyforsarah.

17 July - Weekend

Spent the weekend near water... it was a fairly hot one. This was a lake outing with friends Jeff and Noreen. The tubing was a big hit as you can see!

Germany Trip

A long overdue post to the blog! Here are pics from our Germany trip. It went great - the boys and I really had a great time together. I was able to visit my Uncle and Aunt, go to the mountains and then visit my German high school friend Juergen in Nuernberg. Since we've returned from Germany, I've been keeping pretty busy at work as well as with home stuff. The summer seems to be flying by! The boys and I are doing well overall and it now feels easier and more natural to have fun together as a family of three. Sarah is never far from our minds, but thoughts of her don't cast a shadow as much now - rather they illuminate the place in our hearts that will always be hers.

11 June - Sarah's Birthday

I just got done with a 14 mile walk on the treadmill - part of my training for the 3-day walk-for-the-cure later this summer (http://www.the3day.org/goto/sixtyforsarah) - and of course I've been thinking about Sarah and that it's now past midnight and the beginning of 11 June, her 40th birthday. It feels right that this day should start this way. She is my reason, my inspiration for doing the 3-day walk. It takes a lot of time and commitment, but it's something I can do. I couldn't save her life, couldn't find a way to avert disaster... but this I can do, for her.
And the day will continue that way with the FAB 5K race taking place in the morning.
Sarah, my wife, my best friend, mother of my children... I miss you and I'm holding you in my heart as always, but especially today. I hope you feel the outpouring of love wherever you are from so many who are thinking of you on your birthday.

7 June - Indian Guides Campout

We had a fun campout this last weekend! The weather was great and we packed a lot of fun into the day & a half. On the first day we went mountain biking on some great trails and we also got to wear the Indian head-dresses since I am going to be one of the "chiefs" next year - the kids really get a kick out of that! You can also see Ben enjoying some quite reading time in the clearing where we camped. On the home front, I'm continuing my training for the 3 day walk - I walked 21 miles in two days after we got back from the campout and next week's mileage will continue to go up... I'm definitely finding out how easily you can get blisters when you spend that much time walking! Gotta make sure those shoes fit just right. The kids will wrap up the school year, so our au-pair Lovisa and I will have our hands full with the boys! She continues to settle in well and has been a great help in the house. We're also looking forward to the F.A.B. 5K race this weekend (fab5k.com).

30 May - Rest In Peace, Oma

I just heard that my grandmother passed away this Friday. We were very close and she was a big part of my childhood - and actually we stayed close for my adult life as well, talking often over the phone even though she lived in Germany. Her death did not come as a surprise since she was 100 years old and her health was rapidly declining. I was hoping to see her on our trip to Germany in just a few weeks... but life has taught me that there are no guarantees, and you can either accept that or go crazy denying it. Sigh. Unfortunately, that is a litany that I've already had to keep reminding myself of as I've had to face losing Sarah.
As I say a silent prayer to Alice, my very dear and beloved grandmother, I recall so many shared and treasured laughs and smiles. Moments all the more dear now that she's no longer with us. I'm thankful that she doesn't have to suffer any more, but I miss her very much all the same.
Oma, I will love you always. Rest in peace until we meet again.

29 May - Camping and Mountain Biking

Another action-packed two weeks - last weekend we spend time with friends locally and this weekend we headed North to Kettle Moraine State Forest in Wisconsin for a camping trip with the Wennerbergs and Teuschers. We got to go mountain biking on some beautiful and very cool trails there and the kids had a blast going on a shorter loop through the woods, too! Don't be fooled by Ben's long face - he loved it but doesn't like having his picture taken... :P
You can see Ben and Sam poking at the camp-fire (which is apparently irresistible) and also a larger view of the campsite at breakfast when we made omlettes boiled in baggies (it's much better than it sounds!). The last pic is Ben and I flying our Kiteboarding trainer kite. That's a 2 meter kite that helps you learn to control power kites which later helps you learn to kiteboard over water with much larger ones. I've decided to try the sport and Ben wants to do it as well if he can get the hang of controlling the trainer.

18 May - Beach Trip

We had a great trip to the beach in Texas (Padre Island) and got to visit with my parents and my cousin Frank from Germany and his girlfriend Anke. Also got to see my Aunt Mine and Uncle Chale, and my high school friend Chris. Sam found a little sand crab and we had nice walks at sunrise (which I love) and we also had fun playing in the waves. Our new au pair, Lovisa, also arrived last week and got a crash-course in "Lopez family" since she came with us on the trip. Things are going well as she settles in and is starting to take care of the boys. We continue to have a lot going on and are keeping very busy. May was packed and June will be no different!

My training for the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk (the3day.org) this summer is proceeding well. I'm making good use of my new treadmill and am walking/running over 25 miles a week.

Tulips

Sigh... seeing Spring finally take hold with mixed feelings. Our tulips have opened up now. I see many around me excited about being able to get outdoors and do things, and I do get swept up in that from time to time. But for me it also sharpens the contrast against last Spring which had Sarah in it. Ben, Sam and I are doing ok. I find my share of light moments and laughs with family and friends, but a day doesn't go by that I don't think of Sarah. My memories and thoughts of Sarah are my connection to her, and I'm comforted by that connection as I face the reality that life is going on whether I want it to or not. It's something I can hold on to.