21 Dec and Christmas

November was filled with travel - I went to Denver and then to Stockholm for business and in between those trips the three of us flew to Houston for Rice University homecoming.  Then we went up to Wisconsin with Elizabeth for Thanksgiving to celebrate with her family up there. I also did a quick one-day trip to Ft. Lauderdale for work in December.  The period leading up to Christmas passed very quickly as well... and then there it was: the 21st of December, the day Sarah died last year.  I already knew that Christmas would mean something very different for me this year than it had in years past - and that it probably would for many years to come.  Wasn't sure what to expect, but I had decided to embrace whatever emotions came and let them in.  In the end, it wasn't quite as "different" feeling as I thought it might be - I think because I've replayed and relived those last weeks and last days with Sarah last December over and over in my mind so many times in the course of this year.  Each tear that I've shed brought just a tiny bit more acceptance and peace, and thankfully the ability to let myself hold on to memories without being drawn down into dark grief by them.  That said, I've been thinking more in the past weeks about Sarah and what we were going through together last December.  The boys and I have also talked more frequently about mom not being with us this year and how it feels to them.  Thankfully, they are handling it well and have the capacity to accept life as it is for now, just taking it one step at a time.  The boys and I have had quite a year of new travel and adventures - I think we've learned to embrace life and move forward again, but without having to disconnect from the past to do it.
So, we celebrated Christmas today with my parents up from San Antonio.  The boys were very excited to open their gifts this morning and I managed to cook a pretty good turkey (actually a Cajun Tur-duck-en) and our old family favorite recipe of green bean artichoke casserole. Way too much food (always happens, doesn't it?), but goo-ood!  We're looking forward to spending new year's eve with family as well.