Sunday, December 19, 2010

19 Dec

Couldn't come up with a title to this post... it was too hard to put into words. As if Sarah was just holding on until she could enter hospice and let go, so took a turn for the worse today. She had a sharp continuous pain in her abdomen this morning so we had to start giving her morphine. Throughout the day we had to up the dose a few times with the doc's approval just to try to get ahead of the pain and she's been sleeping all day. She occasionally opens her eyes for a moment and can just barely respond to questions. She's stopped eating and has just had a little bit to drink today. Nurses say it looks like advanced liver shutdown and that she may drift in to a coma soon. Because of that and because we're having to give her enough pain meds that she can't stay awake, Ben, Sam and I each spent some time talking to her and saying goodbye in case we don't get another chance. It was very hard for me to do... this all seems to all be moving much too fast, but my only comfort is that it might make it easier for Sarah. I'm at her bedside now and hoping she wakes up a bit a few more times.

41 comments:

Amy said...

Alan and Sarah, My heart aches for you and your family. You both have been so strong through this. Its now time for us to be strong for you and the boys. Alan, you are so loved and we will always be here. While your at Sarahs bedside please whisper to her, she is loved! We are so sorry. Comfort surrounds you! Amy

Wendy said...

Praying on my knees...for peaceful passage and that she is greeted by huge hugs and kisses from her Mom and Dad. A beautiful reunion for my beautiful friend.

Dawn B said...

Alan -- feels so surreal and helpless to be sitting right next door while you are all going through this time. My hope is in remembering this Advent season...as we prepare for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. He came to earth to give us hope and eternal life through Him. He will welcome Sarah with open arms and ultimately heal her and release her from her earthly body...God's love and peace be with you all. Dawn

Rochelle said...

I just wanted to let you know that I, and my husband Bob, have been following along and thinking of you and praying for you often. We know Sarah from the Nov 00 board. I folded cranes this evening, hoping to get them into the mail with a card tomorrow and that they'd be there in time, but it sounds as though I might already be too late, and that is heartbreaking. Praying for strength and peace for all of you.

Rochelle

Anonymous said...

Alan I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I am so profoundly sorry. I hope you can find some moments of peace. Love to all of you. Sharon

Caryl said...

Alan, Know that we always have been and always will be praying for you and your family. Caryl, Alan, David and Michael

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.

Guide us waking, O Lord, and guard us sleeping; that awake we may watch with Christ, and asleep we may rest in peace. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Alan and family,
There are no words to express how very sorry we are to hear the latest with Sarah. We can only pray for comfort for her, you and your boys. You have been so incredibly brave with how you have handled this whole situation, especially with your boys. Sending hugs and prayers your way...
The Peters Family

Anonymous said...

Alan, may you feel God's comforting arms surround, Ben and Sam during this time. Please whisper in her ears that I love her, cherish her friendship, will miss her, and want her to be at peace. Alan, we are here when you need us, dear friend. Lesley & Todd

Christy said...

Alan, know we are here whispering strength to you, and love to both. prayers for you all through this.

Anonymous said...

My hearts breaks for you all and yet I cannot help but admire your determination to find grace and peace for you, Sarah and the boys. God bless, Alan, Ben and Sam. Safe home, Sarah.
love,
Jen & Dan

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah, Alan and boys,
My heart aches beyond comprehension for your family. I've known Sarah from the Nov 2000 board since she was pregnant with Ben. I too have folded cranes and hoped they would get their in time.
Please tell her that she will be in our hearts forever.

With much love and admiration,
Joyce

Wendy said...

Rochelle and Joyce,

I'm one of Sarah and Alan's many friends. Thank you for making cranes, we are still hanging them around their home and will continue to do so. Please mail them if you haven't already...they are a wonderful sign of support for Alan, Sarah and the boys.
Blessings,
Wendy

Anonymous said...

Dear Alan,
Our hearts are heavy and broken. We are praying for comfort, peace and strength for all of you. We admire and care for you all deeply.
Much love,
Eric, Tracy, Rocco and Bella

Melanie Hopper said...

Alan and Sarah, I will be praying for comfort and peace for Sarah and strength for you and the boys. I am so thankful that I have had pleasure of meeting your wonderful family through Lesley. Love, Melanie Hopper

Anonymous said...

To Sweet, Sweet Sarah -- Fair winds and Following Seas my Friend until we meet again. I am glad your pain will finally be gone and you will be reunited with your parents. We will miss you. Alan and the boys, we love you all and pray for your peace as well.

Love, Michelle and Andy Harold

Anonymous said...

Sending love and prayers. Our hearts ache for you. There are no other words.
Michele and Phil Miller

Anonymous said...

Alan, I am so sorry for what you all are having to go through. You and Sarah have done this with courage and grace. Your families and friends are with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Shawn

Anonymous said...

With aching hearts we are praying for you. Alan, you Sarah, Ben , and Sam are all such an inspiration of strength and how to love completely. I hope that our prayers can bring some peace. Gretchen

Larry Gelbaugh said...

Alan, Sarah, Ben, and Sam - You have friends caring for you all over this world, and our hearts break for you during this sad time. The Gelbaughs all love you and cherish the times we have spent together over the years in many different places.

Jennifer said...

Sarah, Alan,

We are thinking of you and here for you and sending wishes for comfort and peace

Jennifer, Jeff, and Erica

Anonymous said...

There are no words, our hearts aches for you. We continue to pray for peace and comfort. Love, Cate

Anonymous said...

Your story and your family's courage, strength, love and devotion has touched the lives of many people who only know you through this blog - we are humbled, inspired, shedding tears with you, and praying along side of you. The path this journey has taken will always remain brightly illuminated by that courage, strength, love, devotion and inspiration that you have shared with us and will leave a legacy that your boys will proudly carry with them. We pray that the remainder of this journey is one of peace and comfort for all of you.

Anonymous

Anonymous said...

May the angels of peace and comfort surround you all! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Marcie

ami from nov00 said...

may you find comfort in the tremendous love that sarah has from so many people in so many places. I am so very very sorry alan, and for ben and for sam. My heart aches deeply for all of you. I am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

Dear Alan --

My heart breaks for you and Sarah... Know Jesus weeps with you as well.. You are both a model of God's love in this world... Prayers and blessings
Gwynne

Sharps said...

What can we say that hasn't already been said. Our hearts and prayers go out to you. I know that God will give you the strength to get through the days to come. All our love, Christine, Ruairidh and Jamie.

Anonymous said...

Alan and Sarah, Ben and Sam,
We have been praying for peace and comfort for your family. We have found such inspiration in your family's strength. Please find comfort (especially Sarah) in knowing how many people love your family. We are here for you and the boys anytime, for anything, Alan.
Lots of love and prayers,
The Scherer Family

Anonymous said...

Alan and Sarah, we are praying for peace and comfort for your family. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
With love from across many miles,
Paige and Trey Glaze

Anonymous said...

Alan and Sarah,

Our hearts are breaking for you. This is so very hard to write. Anything we can say seems so inadequate.

Alan, you have been Sarah's angel through all of this. Bless you for everything you have done.

Goodbye, Sarah. We now pray that your passing will be peaceful and painless. We love you and we will never forget you.

John and Jan Becker

Anonymous said...

Alan and Sarah,

As everyone else has said, our hearts are breaking for you. I know that we haven't had the privilege to witness your inspirational strength and courage through Sarah's ordeal in person, but we have been following your blog and will hold your example in our hearts. We are keeping you in our prayers. May you truly experience the blessing of Emmanuel. May God be with you at this time and always. May His peace and comfort surround you. Sarah, you are loved, even by those of us far away, and infinitely more by God. Until we meet again, dear friend...
Tim & Kate (Salter)

Ellen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ellen said...

We sent a fleur de lis king cake hoping Sarah would be up for a bite or two! When the Saints go marching in, we know that Alan and Sarah WILL be in that number! Play some who dat music for her, Alan, and I hope that she smiles for you!
Ellen (Rein) Pierce

Anonymous said...

We continue to pray for all of you. Godspeed Sarah, may you finally be relieved of the pain you have so long endured in the battle you have so valiantly fought. Alan, Ben and Sam, please know that your St. Simon's family is here for you and will support and comfort you always and most especially during the difficult days ahead. The many wonderful memories that you have of your time together can never be taken away...

Kevin and Rene

Anonymous said...

I've been introduced to your story through a friend on Facebook and I'd like to offer you my prayers. I pray that God will be with you through every step of this season of life. I pray that you will grab onto the hope offered by Jesus Christ that this is just a phase of an eternal life that he has promised all who believe in him. God bless you guys. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

Carissa in KS said...

Sarah, Alan, and boys,

My tears are flowing for your family. You continue to be in my prayers and I pray that the Lord will grant you the peace that passes all understanding. I don't know if the blanket that I knit is still around, but if it is, wrap it around yourselves and consider it a huge hug from all of the Nov2000 moms. Soli Deo gloria!

Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you all. Please know that Sarah has touched so many lives and been such an inspiration. Your family is never far from my mind and always in my prayers. Strength, love, peace and comfort to you.

Sandy Pritchard

Eone Moore Beck said...

Sarah, you have brought all of the November 2000 moms back together in a circle around you. Please know each one of us is there with you in spirit - and we will keep in contact with Alan in the years ahead, watching them grow and become the men you formed.

We love you.

Anonymous said...

We love you Sarah. Julie and Chris

Anonymous said...

Praying for your family and for peace.Kasia from November2000.

Anonymous said...

Alan and Sarah, This is Melinda, Jeff Burpo's wife. We have been following your blog every day recently and on behalf of both Jeff and myself, I just want to send our prayers of comfort to you during this unimaginably painful time. The incredible strength, courage, love and support you have shown for one another is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Though I did not know Sarah, I wish I had because she sounds like an amazing woman. Alan, we are thinking of you and your boys and sending you hugs and strength from Oregon to get through this time. Melinda Burpo

Anonymous said...

Alan,
Praying for a peaceful passage for Sarah and love and strength for you and the boys. You are all, especially Sarah, an inspiration in the way you have lived your life throughout all of this.
Tracey Avant